Why do I fall for the next guy that knows how to play his cards right.
Who knows exactly what to say.
Who clocks in some time with me to get me into bed.
I don’t just fall. I fall hard.
What hurts the most is last time, I spent months keeping myself away. I spent weeks trying to tell myself we were just friends. I spent days telling myself no matter how much he tried I wouldn’t sleep with him.
But it happened. I wanted it. Because I knew with him it would be different. And it was. We finished together. I loved every second of it. So much it hurt. So much that I almost cried out of joy. So much I’m crying right now.
Then I spent days trying to tell myself to slow down. Weeks telling myself that he didn’t just want me for sex. And now I’m spending months trying to forget him.
What hurts the most? It’s almost summer, he won’t remember me. He won’t text me. He doesn’t care how I’ve been. He’s gonna go to Spain, he’s gonna travel to Africa. I’m insignificant to him.
But he was so important to me.
I just want to call you and talk about the bullshit we used to talk about till 5 in the morning.
I really miss it, and need it.
The more I think about all the guys that have been in my life, the more I’m disgusted.
The more I’m heartbroken.
I just want a guy I can talk to, and who would want to spend time with me.
I don’t want to write too much about this night.
But I just want to remember that tonight, Chris came to my dorm. Stayed till 5:30 in the morning, and I had a lot of fun.
I was super comfortable with him but I wasn’t fantasizing that this was more than it was.
My heart hurts.
I think of just resting my head on your shoulder and my heart gets excited.
Then I think of how I was just another girl to you, and about all the other girls you’ve been with, while you were with me and I want to puke.
I feel like a cliche girl who thought sleeping with someone would win his heart.
You don’t even know.
I am extremely stupid. I fell for every stupid game.
Why am I always the one who loves the most? I don’t want you to give me everything, i want you to give me some happiness. You made me happy one time, can you keep doing it? don’t stop, please.
I always fall, but if i fall again, i won’t get up.
Well, I fucked up.
I got a little drunk last night. Not crazy drunk, just drunk enough to say everything that’s on my mind. And I ran up to Reed and said “hey quick question, why do you fuck ugly girls.”
… I just want to crawl into a hole. He’s never gonna talk to me ever again.
I really like him… I really like him a lot. I miss him so bad.
